Excuses are Self-Abuses

Entering a new path that will lead you to your Best Future Self requires determination and commitment. Self-growth does not just happen - it is a result of persistent effort to follow one's vision. The first step is to create a vision if it is lacking. Who can you become? Feel it, see it, hear it - create a little video in your head of who you are and what you are doing as your Best Future Self, and play it numerous times a day. Often the gap between who we are and who we can become is filled with unconscious beliefs and outdated habits. Our modern lives are busy and full, and the adage “old habits die hard", rings true for many of us. Through the Beyond Addiction program, I've …

From Defeat to Victory

The Gladstone theatre was filled to the brim with 250 people from every corner of the city. Each one was prepared to partake in a life-changing performance by one of Ottawa, Canada’s, latest rising stars. I was particularly excited to be a part of this evening’s performance, because the rising star was a dear friend of mine. I sat in the first row, proud and eager to show my support. It was strange, but all my enthusiasm leading up to the event quickly drained after the lights went out and I saw her up on stage. They were quickly replaced by feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. Why? Well, you see, about two years before the event took place, the star and I spent many hours dreaming of bright futures. She spoke of …

Give Yourself Space to Feel

Sadness will not determine your life. What will determine your life are your attempts not to feel the sadness. What will determine your life are your attempts to compensate for the sadness by not feeling it, by developing coping mechanisms that keep you from allowing you to experience yourself the way you really are. That’s what will determine your life. If you don’t want your life to be determined by what happened, allow yourself to feel exactly what’s there. Developmental trauma happens when there isn’t space for us to feel what we feel. The fact is, there was never space in your life for you to feel what you felt. There was nobody there to hold you; your mother wasn’t there to hold you. She was too busy trying to soothe her …

The Gut, the Brain and Addiction

By

Who Knew We Had Three Brains? The gut has its own independent nervous system, known as the enteric nervous system, that consists of about 500 million neurons. This system is embedded in the lining of the gastrointestinal tract, beginning at the esophagus and ending at the anus. Amazingly, the enteric nervous system can operate independently from the brain – it can function without it, and has been dubbed our “second brain”. It has a two way communication with the brain and central nervous system via the parasympathetic fibers of the vagus nerve and the sympathetic fibers of the prevertebral ganglia. This channel is known as the gut-brain axis, and links the emotional and cognitive centres of the brain with intestinal function, and vice-versa. The gut-brain axis is modulated by neurotransmitters, hormones, immune …

Yoga and Addiction

I am not a stranger to the struggle of addiction or the trauma and negative thought patterns that it typically stems from. I’ve been affected by and intrigued with this limited realm of the human mind and the mysterious ability we can have of disassociating from our (true) selves to fill an unmet need or emptiness despite the consequences. It beguiles me how we can be in a state of constant maneuvering towards some sense of perceived safety, with the capacity for both truth and denial, often expressed simultaneously. We’re masters at this, while often yearning for compassion and a sense of belonging to ourselves and those we love. In my search and experience I have discovered that Yoga can be a pivotal tool in healing from addiction. It’s an exciting …

What is Your Addiction Doing For You?

Let’s look at addiction not from the point of view of the harm it does, which is obvious for all of us, but what did it do for you? What did you get from it? What was right about it? The American researcher, Dr. Vincent Felitti, said that the problem was dismissing addictions as self-harming behaviour. He believed it ignores their functionality in the life of the addict. Begin this question with yourself, whether the addiction pertains to yourself, your friend, your family member, or your client. Don’t think about what’s wrong with this; they already know what’s wrong with it, unless they’re in deep denial. The question is, what is right about it. Let’s find out from you. What did it do for you? What did you get from it that you …

Be Compassionate Towards Your “Stupid Friend”

Eckhart Tolle says that many people live with this terrible judge in their minds, that’s forever tormenting them with all kinds of negative evaluations. Some of you say, “I just don’t want that anymore.” But consider that the inner judge, that negative self-talk, actually helped you survive. It helped you survive, because when you are a child and stuff is happening to you that you suffer from, what you cannot do is to fight back against the environment, because if you do you’re going to get pulverised. It’s that simple, you’re going to get pulverised. You don’t have the strength, you don’t have the power. The child, therefore, as a matter of survival, makes themselves wrong. Says, “The environment can’t be wrong, because if it was I’d have to leave it, …

On Gratitude and Forgiveness

“May you be here now in gratitude. As you walk and eat and travel, be where you are. Otherwise you will miss most of your life.” -  Siddhartha Gautama Last night, en route to teach a Beyond Addiction workshop in New Mexico, summer storms made flying unsafe and I had to sleep in the Dallas Airport. In the face of this “first world problem” I was grateful for the teachings of Kundalini Yoga and the principles of the Beyond Addiction program. When my flight was cancelled, I observed my own drive to have things go “my” way and my desire to impose my will on others to have them behave as I wish. I then softened into acceptance. As Gabor Maté says, “I am here now in this.” There’s nothing any of us …

Move Beyond Addiction: Come Home to Your True Self

By

To move beyond addiction, it's essential that we come home to our True Self. One way of understanding the separation between our human and spiritual selves is to compare our “soul” or “essence” to our “personality”. Our “essence” is whole, beautiful, undamaged, ever-present, loving, linked to all that is, intuitive and connected. Our personality forms in infancy and childhood in response to the people and environments around us. When our “essence” isn’t received, cherished, loved or acknowledged, our personality creates armour and coping mechanisms to protect it. The personality is created to help us survive. It’s a set of reactive behaviour patterns that have become a habit, and includes feelings, body sensations, particular thoughts, words we use to define ourselves, images that occur in our minds, memories, projections and reactions. From the …

Anatomy of a Shopping Addiction

By

by Hari Miter Kaur Part One It’s been a rough week. I’m overwhelmed at work, a dinner I had been looking forward to with a friend was cancelled and “he” hasn’t texted in 4 days, 3 hrs and 15 minutes. I had planned to clean out the laundry room this weekend but now that Saturday has rolled around, I’ve decided to take it easy. I pause intermittently from my House of Cards marathon to take bathroom breaks. During one of these breaks I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and stop take inventory of my reflection. My roots are showing, this old t-shirt is making me look frumpy and my skin is dull – I’m getting old; I’ve worn “this” so often. This image of myself is getting old. I …